singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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