I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
