I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
