ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
