I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
