apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
