I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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