how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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