I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
