i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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