This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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