I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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