he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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