idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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