Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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