and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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