Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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