i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
