Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
