A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
