Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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