just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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