Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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