turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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