I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
