Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
