No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
