he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
