He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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