Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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