Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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