I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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