maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
