We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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