Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
