I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
