dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Text me some of your sweat
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
