Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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