I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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