Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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