Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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