I wish I could punch you in the face.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
