one might say we're banned from that church
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
