let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
