Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
