whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
