My room smells like vodka and shame
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you win again, gameday.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
