The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
