i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
