I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
