I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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