I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
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Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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