you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
