ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
