I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
