so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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