i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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