We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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