im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
