see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
