I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
