My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
