i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
