dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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