I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
