We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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