pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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