I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
