we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
