Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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