The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
