I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
